Every morning I wake feeling one of two ways…
On the front foot or
…..on the back foot.
My day is significantly different depending on which one emerges out of my dream haze.
For me, waking up on the front foot hinges solely on accumulation.
It’s never just one thing falling back into place that has me back on track. It’s a few days and nights of having enough time, less commitments, less interactions, more home time (cave dwelling) and preparation time the night before.
Waking up feeling on the back foot is another story.
A simple single derailment, or a major train smash in slow motion, can throw me in a heartbeat… And then I helplessly watch as my dominoes topple one after the other like a cruel game. I try to scramble to randomly prop them all up but alas.
My partner recently landed himself in hospital for a week (he’s getting better now). It was a minor derailment but I was suddenly on the back foot.
I had more to think about and more to coordinate with his kids staying in their routine with us and me (gladly) taking on the night and morning schedules whilst visiting the hospital nightly. That same week, my work suddenly took a stressful twist and the first anniversary of my beloved dog’s death creep up on me and screamed BOO!!
Add in daily training for a 50km trek next week, being in the midst of complex photography course with an assignment due that begged for hours of creative thinking and requiring me to pull a brilliant sunset out of my…um, hat and I lost the plot at a few points.
In the clutches of this slow accumulated train smash, some things had to give. As they fell by the wayside, one by one, I had this brilliant analogy of what I needed to do.
Just to survive (dramatic I know!) I became like a human body in distress and pooled all my blood (energy) back from my extremities (anything that wasn’t absolutely necessary right now) and concentrated it in my heart, lungs and brain (the essential parts of my life right now).
I fought the guilt and let go of feeling others would be let down. It wasn’t ideal to cancel appointments, drop commitments, miss phone calls (especially when friends and family were wishing the patient well), drop my training, miss the three-hour theory lesson on the properties of light in photography (pretty essential) stop blogging or arrive late to work after the school run but it was essential for the main priorities in life to be given the lion’s share of energy so my back foot could slowly but surely move in front.